Happy Birthday...

Today would have been my mom's 68th birthday. Sadly she passed away almost three years ago. That anniversary is coming up in March. I miss my mom every single day. I spend time thinking about "what ifs" in regards to her medical care. I just wish she was here supporting me, nagging me, being proud of me. I just miss her.

Last week I traveled back to my childhood home to retrieve some boxes of my things my Dad had found. It's been a long memory filled week for me.

On Monday my hubby and FIL and my boys and I all traveled back to my Dad's house for the last time to retrieve the wood cook stove. I knew it would most likely be my last trip "home." I walked around and took photos of those things I wanted to remember - including the bright red upright piano I learned to play on. Trust me, this is a much better color than the teal anything that stood still was painted one year - my Dad had a lot of extra paint in that color.

I spent most of yesterday going through my boxes. I found all kinds of school treasures, but the biggest treasure was an autograph book I found from 1982. I would have been about ten years old given the date on one note.  Not only did a lot of my school friends sign the book, but I had my family sign it as well - including my grandparents (now deceased), my great-uncle (recently deceased), my mom, my dad and various aunts and cousins. I'm not sure why I had them all sign it, but I'm certainly glad now that I did.

Then finally today is my Mom's birthday. Needless to say it's been a long week of memories. I'm just thankful I know where my Mom is today and that someday soon we'll be reunited.

Romans 8:1-2 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for
those who are in Christ Jesus, 

because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life 
set me free from the law of sin and death.

Remembering

Photo taken July 2005

Next month will mark the one year anniversary of my Mom's death. It still seems like just yesterday on many days. I've been thinking about her a lot lately. I'm thankful that she gave me a recipe book full of her handwritten recipe cards. Whenever I remember my Mom, I remember her cooking. She was a wonderful cook. 

She also loved to keep in touch with her children via e-mail. Over the years I kept a few and I most are from 2007 for some reason. One in particular that I kept was sent to all of her children on July 21, 2007 - this was their 44th wedding anniversary. 

Here is what she shared:

44 years ago when Dad and I got married it was rainy (just a mild rain) but the wedding was beautiful.  None of you were there so thought I would tell you about it.  

We got married in the Weymouth Episcopalian church across the street from South Shore Hospital.  Your father's family were Congregational and mine were Methodist.  My family had moved from Stoughton to Weymouth and my Mom and Dad had stopped going to church.  I, at 15, was not happy about that as I was searching for more.  Reverand Flanders at the Episcopal church was preaching Christ.  I went and stayed until your father and I moved.  Just as a piece of truth, the church fired him later on because of his belief in the Lord.  

We had our reception at Kramer's Dairy Barn and it was a nice place.  My folks hired a band and there was dancing and the whole thing.  It was catered and the food was nice.  It was basically a typical reception of the day.  

I lived on Summer Street at the time so after the reception we went back to the farm and I changed and dad did and then we got into our 1953 green Buick and headed to Cape Cod. What a comfortable boat that car was.  The leg room was huge and there was plenty of steel around the car not like the ones of today with plastic etc.  The car had old shoes and cans attached and they put confetti in Dad's pipe {smoking pipe} and in our suitcases.  Don't do that because it stains clothes :-)  2 years later we were still finding the confetti in the car.  Little stuff that it is. 

We went and caught a ferry and went to Nantucket. We did not like it there much as our cottage was inland and not on the ocean like we had been led to believe so we only stayed for a short time and then went back to Eastham to finish out our honemoon.  We both love the ocean.

Gas at that time was 13 cents a gallon and there was plenty of it.  You could fill your car up for under 2 dollars.  Bread was a whopping 15 cents and hamburg was 35 cents a pound.  How times change eh? 

Dad was making 60 dollars a week in salary.  That was not take home though that was gross.  It was a good wage.  We had a nice car and enough to keep things going.  We owned a home in Hanson, Mass as my grandfather gave us $500 toward the down payment and we borrowed $500 from my parents which we

did pay back but it took a while.  We had a huge mortgage of 35 dollars a month.  Lots of money back then.  Just a step back in time for you to enjoy.

Love,

Mom

Happy Birthday, Mom

my mom & me - Thanksgiving 2007 or 2006...

From my journal today:

"Happy Birthday, Mom. It still feels like a dream more often than not. It feels like she's still there. I only need to call. I talked to my Mom almost daily and now it's been 10 months since I spoke to her. And that number will only continue to grow. Happy Birthday indeed."

Today starts the long list of January birthdays we have in my family: my youngest son, both my parents, both my sisters, my grandfather (who is also no longer with us - he would have been 96). my niece and my FIL.  Sadly we no longer have Mom here to celebrate with. She would have turned 66 today. She joked last year that she was going to get kicked off Medicare since she spent most of January in the hospital. It wasn't until February that we finally got a diagnosis of leukemia/lymphoma & then she ended up with MRSA in March. Sadly she had no immune system left to fight off that super-bug.

I'm not sure there is anyway to heal from this loss but time so I wait. Each day gets slightly easier but on days like today, it's so very hard. I continue to cling to my all time favorite verse:

"For I know the plans I have for you," 

declares the LORD, 

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 

plans to give you hope and a future." 

~Jeremiah 29:11

And Now My Lifesong Sings...

One of the ladies in our church sang this last week. Going back to church has been difficult since Mom went home to be with Jesus. It's good & bad being there. Those of you who have lost loved ones know of what I speak. 

Last Sunday was a rough day. Friends of mine had just lost their father & his son spoke at church that morning. A little boy was tragically lost as well this same week. Then this song was sung. 

I even have the Casting Crowns CD that this song is on. Little did I know how it would impact me that day. We were even sitting in the very front row of the church. I was quietly falling apart when another friend scooted over to hug me through this whole song (too many kids between hubby & I ::grin::). 

After the special music our pastor starts his sermon. His text this week? Well, he's working through the book of John. It was John 14:1-4 (NIV). 

“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.”

There truly are no mistakes with God. He knew exactly where Pastor would be preaching this week. He knew that I needed to hear this. He knew that all those in church who have lost loved ones in the month of March needed to hear this. 

We serve a wonderful, awesome, and loving God. While we may never know the "why" of things, we do know that He is turning all of it to good.  

1 Peter 1:3-9 (NIV)

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

-emphasis mine

Don't let this fool you in to thinking I don't miss my mother. I certainly do. Don't think that I don't question "why," because I do. Don't think I don't constantly wonder "what if," because I am. 

However, I also trust fully in my God and Saviour. I know that for whatever reason, He decided that my mother had to have cancer and then had to contract MRSA. None of this was a surprise to Him. None of it. While I never ever wanted to loose my mother right now, I have to trust God had a purpose and a reason for it all. I know that someday I'll see my mom again. Of that I have absolutely no doubts or "what if's." She is no longer suffering & she is home with Jesus. Of that I am truly thankful.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

~~Jeremiah 29:11~~

My Daybook

FOR TODAY (March 23, 2009)...

Outside my window...it's a blustery, cold spring day. At least it's sunny and there no new snow coming our way for now.

I am thinking...I miss my mom.

I am thankful for...so many friends and family (irl & on-line) who have sent cards, e-mails, FB notes, and just let us know that they are thinking of us right now. It's been a wonderful blessing.

From the learning rooms...we started back & actually had a good day today. We had a full schedule & finished everything before lunch. That makes for a really good day.

From the kitchen...nothing. ;-)

I am wearing...comfy jeans, MOPS white t-shirt, and Grandma's cardigan (my kicking around the house cardigan which I really love).

I am creating...a photo challenge that I hope to have posted later this week. That's a bit of a sneak peak for you all! ;-)

I am going...to be just fine with God's grace & strength to get me through.

I am reading...check out this link to see my Spring Reading Thing 2009 list of books I'll be working on. You have until tonight to join up!

I am hoping...that any seeds my mom planted about salvation came to fruition or will soon.

I am hearing...Extreme Trains yet again playing on my TV. My younger boys love watching this show & we have four of the eight episodes on the DVR. I think they know them word-by-word at this point. The host went to high school with hubby which is kind of cool too.

Around the house...just trying to get caught up on housework.

One of my favorite things...family & friends.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Everything is back to "normal" here. Tonight is my weight loss class. There might be a homeschooling meeting tomorrow if we can get enough folks together. Wednesday is MOPS & Bible Study. Thursday is AWANA. Saturday I'll be at my dad's I think & Saturday night I'll be at a benefit dinner for a friend who just lost her FIL to brain cancer. They only found out two weeks ago he had this. Her MIL is fighting stage 4 breast cancer. Please keep them in your prayers.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

My Mom in 1963 on her honeymoon.

Here's a tease - I just got my hair cut in a similar style.

I promise to post a photo soon - I think....

Hope

This is one of the songs we used in the DVD my brother put together in tribute to my mom.

My Mom

For those that aren't on any Yahoo Groups with me or on Facebook....

My mother went to be with the Lord on Saturday evening after a brief but fierce battle against leukemia. Near the end of her first round of chemo she contracted the MRSA virus. This is a staph infection that is antibiotic resistant. One of the new "superbugs." Her body could not fight it off.

My mother was my biggest cheerleader. The one who encouraged me to dream the biggest dream I could. I always knew that no matter what I wanted to try, she would be right there yelling the loudest & telling everyone she knew about it. She was always so extremely proud of her children & you never had to wonder about that. She told you all the time.

Every phone call ended with "love you."

She loved her children and her grandchildren. She was always thrilled to hold a baby, listen to a story, or get new drawings from a grandchild. The hardest part was finding wall space or fridge space to hang them on.

She lived out her faith every single day. She came to Christ as an adult - after moving her family from Massachusetts to Maine - soon after my younger sister was born. I still remember praying as a family in the morning before leaving for school. She left a Christ-filled legacy to her children.
I will miss my mom the rest of my life, but I know that I will see her once again. This is only good-bye for a little while.

Creating Hope

I took some of this and came up with these....

They are going to my Mom. She will be able to take them with her to treatments if she wants or just leave them home where she can see them. I pray they help her through the next few months.

Oh & I know you'll all wonder so here's what I did....

I took 9x12" canvases I got from the Christmas Tree Shop for just over a $1 each (love that store). I used Modge-Podge (love this stuff) to put some pretty scrapbooking paper on two of them. The yellow one is painted with acrylic paint. I printed the vereses out using the Ariel Black font so they were nice & dark & big. Then I used more Modge-Podge to put them all together. Each canvas has a single coat of Modge-Podge over the top of everything including the "HOPE" words on the yellow one. It's super easy & I put these all together in about an hour. I let them dry overnight.

I just pray they are a blessing to my Mom on this journey she just started.